Well, 2010 has thundered in a like freight train and so far shows no signs of finding the brakes. Please understand that I’m not complaining – it was awful nice to lap up a glass of Champagne and toast farewell to 2009. But with the success of our new product lines, our promotional tours, and my unswerving commitment to my fly-ball training, I have been paws to the pedal for two months and my ears are starting to droop!
Therefore, I was understandingly seized by a giant full body wag when Mom told me that we were going to Canmore this weekend to a highly touted condo hotel. I threw some kibble in a duffel bag, tossed in my road training gear, grabbed Basil (my constant companion since puppy-hood), and headed for the car. The ride out to Canmore was seemingly endless, such was my need for a little rest and relaxation getaway. I couldn’t wait to breathe the mountain air, jog the tree lined paths, and most importantly, dip my paws in the pool!
This particular establishment provides all the creature comforts and I am a creature that needs comforting! Massage bookings, on-site gym, and a year ‘round heated outdoor pool and two outdoor hot tubs just waiting for me to enjoy. These latter amenities were the most enticing to me. Although I love Calgary and it will always be home, I am a Labrador and the maritimes are bred into my very existence. I was bio-engineered for the sea and Calgary’s climate doesn’t offer a lot of water opportunities. Therefore, when I know I can find a pool, I’m especially excited.
After an interminable and monotonous drive we finally pulled into the covered breezeway of the hotel. I stayed in the car while Mom and Dad checked us in and found our room. Once the bags were stowed they came back and toured me through the premises. I was suitably impressed. Nice lobby, cheerful personnel, and clean common areas. Our room featured a full kitchen (which was great as I am frequently hungry), nice master bedroom, and a balcony overlooking the pool. I was transfixed!
Tearing myself away from the balcony, I quickly tucked Basil in and made sure he was safe, grabbed my goggles and barked for Mom and Dad to take me to the pool. It was at that point that my dreamily anticipated weekend turned into one of the most humiliating and infuriating occasions of my life. I sat stunned and thunderstruck as Dad explained that dogs weren’t allowed in the pool or the hot tub! WHAT??? !!!
Dogs are not allowed in the Pool?! Because we are not fit to swim with humans?! REALLY?! I don’t pee when I swim. Can you say the same thing of your three old, lady? I don’t throw dangerous objects in the pool. Can you teenagers holding the chaise lounge make the same claim? I don’t hog the pool - unlike you, my corpulent friend on the air mattress. I don’t require a life guard (my feet are webbed, for Goodness sake!). Too bad the inebriated tourist about to Canon Ball in the shallow end can’t say the same!
Oh, but I’m hairy. Yes, this is true. I’m covered with hair specifically designed through generations of selective breeding to be perfectly suited to aquatic endeavors. I wonder if the hirsute middle aged accountant who looks like he’s draped himself with a dead sheep can claim any special attributes to his body fur, other than the ability to simultaneously clog all the pool filters. But I’m unfit for the pool! Where’s my government funded special action initiative? Where are the commercials demanding my equality?
They don’t exist. So I did what I always do. I held my head up with pride and insisted that Mom and Dad enjoy the pool without me. They deserved this trip as much as I did. Then, alone in the room, I grabbed Basil and stretched out on the bed. As I drifted off in a fitful sleep, I wondered how we could be so shockingly behind when everyone tells us that we have come so far…
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